11th November

This one’s a bit sad and also a long one, there’s more to it though, it’s ended with me realising how lucky I am, so try and stick with me!

The only word to describe today is demoralising.

That’s how I feel.

I’m going to be real about it because being in your twenties isn’t all glitter and marble aesthetics like on the internet.

I’m facing knock backs.

I can’t find jobs to apply for.

I was contacted about a grad scheme but I’m waiting to hear from the company, who interview this week. The idea of being part of a company that respects your employment enough to pay you well and to encourage you to develop, that’s exactly what I’m looking for in my next company.

I’ve been putting all my efforts into applications for work experience in publishing houses and receiving multiple rejection emails. I don’t know if it’s an issue to put all my eggs in one basket.

Working in publishing or editing just appeals to me because I’d love to find the next book that changes someone’s life or creates an era, you know? There was the Twilight era and the Harry Potter decade, plus there’s the John Green phenomenon every time his books are made into a film, and the release of his latest book. That’s what I want to find. I actually love books, I don’t read enough but I should, and I feel like editing books and helping to make a story happen would just be such a good feeling.

I’m also struggling to write for this blog already, I kind of feel like it’s because my imagination has dried up. This is why this post is nearly a week late!

Again, please stick with me and I’ll keep trying to journey through the 20s with you. I promise I’ll try to make it fun in future!

I used to write all the time, it used to be my coping mechanism. One day I just stopped. I think maybe I felt that writing it all down in a diary was a bit dramatic, but since writing again it makes things just feel even a little bit clearer. I mean the dream would be to be an author. To write my own book and change the world or someone’s life, even my own.

It would be nice to change my life, to prove to myself I’m more than I usually believe I am. I’m interested in being more and who I’ll grow into.

I’m also having work stress at my current job, as departments feel like they’re falling apart.

I even took to Twitter to look for an employer, just in the hope that someone would search south coast and jobs and I would appear. Got to take even the smallest chance and why not utilise social media, companies do.

My next stress is not being able to afford to do fun things at the moment. Which I also feel is probably making me more stressed about what I’m supposed to write about in my blog, I had so many exciting plans:

  • Birmingham Christmas Market
  • My friend’s 22nd in London (who I haven’t seen since graduation in July!)
  • Day trip to Bath to visit my best friend
  • Christmas shopping

And importantly, my anniversary.

5 years, too, which is important and we should be doing something extra fun for it.

Don’t worry, I will keep trying to find things to write about though!

My brother joined the navy today. We’re kind of a team at home. I’m now left with my mum and her husband which is all the more devastating to my slightly (because it could be so much worse) bad day.

It’ll be good for him though and I’m super proud of him.

So these are my current stresses and I honestly do know how much worse things could be, but it’s just one of those bad days and you’re allowed to have a bad day. #firstworldproblems

My final thought is coming full circle, back to demoralising job applications. The hardest part for me is showing your skills off and standing out. I don’t really know what I’m good at. I don’t come up with new ideas, I’m not an original thinker. I’m not the best at anything. This is what is extra discouraging today, as I continue to fill in applications. My friends think otherwise.

Thank god for friends that remind you of your potential and who you could be.

So as I felt fully deflated, good friends, who are wise beyond their years, helped me to rise back up.

That’s what you need and I think this is what I’m learning about my twenties. Surround yourself with a support network that will keep you strong for life and in return for their love, you will support and love each of them.

I hope if you did manage to stick with this post, you realise that I found the good in a bad day.

As an extra thought, I’ve also been wondering how anonymous this blog should be. I need to advertise it and myself. Then I can talk about my experiences and we can all share the struggles of our twenties together. What do you think?

xx

 

Side note: This is obviously later than when I originally wrote it, I’m going for a job interview Thursday. I’m extremely nervous about it. It’s my first proper job interview, wish me luck! I’m still feeling some mini set backs and I’m realising that there’s a lot more I need to do to find myself, be happy and feel comfortable.

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