Life realisations

I had a realisation recently, that I am exactly where 16/17 year old me was, applying to jobs that wanted you to already have experience, but no one would give you the opportunity to gain experience. I went round and round in circles trying to get someone to hire me, just to work a few hours on a weekend or in evenings around Sixth Form. Nothing. I ended up qualifying as a pool lifeguard and I’ve been at Horizon ever since. Don’t get me wrong, I have had some fun times at Horizon but they’re starting to become less frequent and I feel like I’m stuck, like there’s not really any where I can go right now within the company.

#TB House party

I was beyond excited for a house party that happened on a Saturday evening recently. It was friends from school/sixth form, some of whom I hadn’t seen in years. I was just really looking forward to catching up because we always had the best time when we hung out when we were younger. I also had the dawning realisation that I had nothing to tell people about my life. I’ve had a shitty month: I cried at work, had a disciplinary investigation, endured family feuds, worked 6 day weeks, slept badly, been ignored by every job I’ve applied for, and to top it off I am working the exact same job that I was working the last time I saw these people at the age of 17/18. Now, I have done a lot in between then and now, but right now I don’t feel like I have anything to show for it. This is something I’m personally trying to deal with because I know it’s not the end of the world but it also doesn’t feel great.

I’ve just applied for a full time lifeguard job at work, I need the hours and a solid amount of money every month, rather than relying on over time and facing a different amount of pay each month because that stresses me out (as many people close to me could probably tell you). The full time shift pattern will give me stability and the ability to organise my life, I’m also hoping it will open some new doors for me in the form of leadership roles – fingers crossed.

Where I’m at right now

To be honest, I have absolutely no idea where my life is going or what to do with it. I have zero business ideas or knowledge – even though friends from uni and I keep joking about starting our own business. (This blog has even inspired one friend to put together a business idea, an idea I’d actually had myself a few times but never knew how to put into action but this guy actually has a plan, how amazing is that!) I have no idea what area I should go into, although I’ve been heavily investing my time into job searching for ‘Communications’ which is a BIG ASS area to not be specific about. I’ve debated Masters. I’ve debated having to suffer with no pay in London on an internship – somehow. I feel like I’m running out of options and will have to pick at some point.

I keep thinking about how I need something creative to keep me busy whilst I work out my life and whilst I try to be even a little bit creative with this blog, it’s hard to just keep repeating myself about being stuck, not knowing what to do. I suppose adults just don’t know what they’re doing and kind of just keep making things up as they go along, or maybe that’s just graduates but that’s ok.

Life Realisation

We achieve more in our lives than is possible to write down.

Take the small achievements, as well as the big ones.

If you’re not happy, do something about it.

Get creative, it’s your life so make it interesting.

Things to start telling myself

  • Lack of belief in myself and my skills shouldn’t stop me from trying to do some more creative things.
  • I need a successful business idea if I’m going to be able to fund my make up haul obsession.
  • I need more than 1 day off a week.
  • I have already accomplished so much.
  • If I feel like I’m going around in circles, then I need to work out how to move forward.
  • To start believing in myself.

Questions to start asking

  • Would an MA in Marketing be worth it? Would it help me with my career goals?
  • Could I come up with a business idea and run with it?
  • What do I want from a job?
  • How do I make potential employers pay attention to my CV?
  • Do I need a 5 year plan?
  • What’s the goal? Short term and long term.

P.S. I have recently booked a ticket for the Postgraduate Open Evening at Portsmouth Uni.

Photo Credits to Jessie Cross, who not only takes gorgeous photos and amazing edits but also, always reminds me of how fun life can be and inspires me to get creative with it xx

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