“Do you, not other people”

I know we live in a world obsessed by what other people think. I’m guilty as charged for posting Instagram posts at the “right time of day” for what I think will be maximum likes but truthfully are 100% not even close to a high number.

BUT, when it comes to what actually makes you happy or rather what makes you unhappy, then it’s time to concentrate on yourself.

I was speaking to a friend about some of her worries. I think she has expectations about certain aspects of her life which have recently been put under pressure by what’s going on around her with other friends. I tried explaining that everyone’s different and that she’s still young, there’s time for things to settle. All of which she already knows. The best thing I could say to her was, “just do you, not other people.” There’s no need to worry about what other people are doing because it doesn’t affect you. Everyone is different. Likewise, I have another friend with a five-year plan and I just wonder if it’s unrealistic to have a plan like this that could potentially put you under unnecessary stress. Then I realised that everyone is different and planning like this is what suits some people rather than others, for me, I panic. I’ve never really been one to set life goals, although, maybe I should try setting some little ones at least.

Curve Ball

To me, life cannot be planned, and if it is, a degree of flexibility is definitely needed! Sometimes you have to be willing to see where opportunities will take you, for example, being invited to travel with friends, or changing your current plans because why would you carry on with something that makes you unhappy?

I believe in working hard to earn things for yourself, but I also believe, even a little, in fate and that some things will find you when the time is right. Life has a habit of throwing you a curve ball and you’ll strike gold when you least expect it. For example, Josh and I getting together was completely unexpected. Our timetables at sixth form matched though so we had a few classes together and all of our free periods, so we just ended up spending a lot of time together. He seemed ok and it’s worked out pretty well so far.

Before some realisations

I had a bit of a shitty time in my first year of uni. I was an emotional wreck constantly.

I now realise that I should have talked to my friends at home about how I felt but I didn’t think they would understand what I was thinking, particularly after I became distant during a past relationship that I felt had caused damage within my friendships. I did a lot of over thinking and twisted myself up in uncertainties after this experience about what kind of friend I was and therefore, what kind of friendship I deserved but I could probably have always gone to my friends.

Since we’ve finished uni, I’ve learnt so much about all of them. We’re all so busy and still in different counties, but I think we seem closer. We’re all struggling in our own ways with adjusting to life after uni and the different responsibilities that come with being adults. I think sometimes we get a bit too worried about telling each other that we need help, when we shouldn’t be. We brush things off as if they’re no big deal but actually we just want someone to know we’re not ok without us saying it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m guilty of it too.

Here comes the realisation

Sometimes things are absolute shit and that’s ok. It’s perfectly acceptable to say, “not really,” when someone asks if you’re ok.

It’s ok to:

Have you time.

Look after yourself.

Focus on what you need.

Run until you sweat out the worry.

Clear your brain and shout about your feelings.

Have bubble baths until you can feel the stress going down the plug hole.

I’m a Libra, for goodness sake.

In all honesty, Fearne Cotton is my spirit animal on being happy. She was 100% my childhood role model, she was a presenter on CBBC and a Radio 1 DJ with Reggie, to me, there was no one cooler. She remains my inspiration now. She seems to have found life balance and I envy that; although, those 5 a.m. mummy starts are not my idea of zen! She’s clearly worked very hard to find her balance and find time for herself, or at least works hard to keep trying to find her balance. Her Instagram keeps me inspired to find the things that make me happy and I’m learning A LOT by listening to her Happy Podcast, which I would 10/10 recommend to anyone. No one’s life is perfectly together, not even Fearne, and whilst I was convinced she’d found her balance, I’ve realised through her podcast that you can never really find constant balance. You can, however, keep trying to stabilise your own life scales as best you can. There will be times when it is harder to find your personal equilibrium. This is different for everyone and I certainly haven’t found mine yet but it’s the trying to live your life in a way that makes you happy that counts. Until then, Fearne’s books are waiting in my Amazon wishlist until I can get a job that will fund my book obsession. I’m hoping life balance is something I can learn to deal with, maybe as I learn how to be an adult too. Maybe it’s one of those wisdoms that comes with age or maybe it’s continuously working on yourself, the same with learning how to be an adult!

Realistically, I’m hoping I can find some kind of balance. I’m a bloody Libra, my star sign is literally a scale, the symbol of balance. I couldn’t be more destined to chase balance in my life, even if I tried! We’ll see though, wish me luck!

Anyway

I just started typing and I think I’ve got a little bit lost in all of this but the point was something like this.

Becoming an adult is difficult, it throws curve balls – good and bad – and it is almost certainly going to be hard. If something makes you happy, do it. If something makes you unhappy, find a way to stop it; it’s not worth your energy or your mental health. I know your teenage years are hard because everything changes but then things seem to settle down and then you get to your twenties and it seems to all hit the fan again, you’re learning even more about yourself, your life, your friends but I think things will settle down again. I have hope that they will.

Don’t worry about other people, just do what’s best for you and I think that’s the best advice I can give anyone, including myself!

Obviously, I still struggle with a lot of these life lessons that I keep laying down like I’m some kind of Guru. Let me assure you, in no way do I have my shit together. I should take my own advice really. I’m trying my hardest to teach myself, to let you guys know that I’m giving it a go and that if you’ve been sticking by my blog you know that I’m just trying to learn how to adult. I 100% appreciate if you’ve been sticking by my mad ramblings of attempted adulting.

Good luck!

(Eurgh, this was so deep and heavy, I am so sorry, I promise I’ll be back to making you laugh soon but sometimes I think you just need to hear some heavy stuff to see how well things are going to be able to take the steps that you need to know you’re doing ok and moving forward in the whole ‘being an adult thing.’) 


If you want to read some more of my ‘Life Realisations’, the link is HERE

You can also read about my a new opportunity that I’m hoping will give me some life balance in New job(ish)

Equally, if you want to try some life balancing of your own, I started a mini-series called Dating Myselfthat you can follow.

If you’ve been enjoying my blog, you can either follow it as a WordPress member or you can sign up to email notifications each time I post. You won’t get spammed, it’ll just be an email letting you know I’ve posted something new. You can sign up to this either on the right hand side of each post, if you’re on a desktop, or if you scroll below each blog post on your phone, you can type your email in there, it’s as easy as that! Thanks again for sticking with me, it means the world.

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